Sex tips for knackered women

With a bit of effort you can make your sex life sizzle - and have a good night's kip. here's some personal advice, from Ayesha Hudson


I've stopped fancying sex recently and have joined the ranks of the 'gone-off-its'. I am in danger of becomming one of the millions of married or cohabiting women who are too damn tired to put in the effort for something as unsexily predictable as penetration. Frankly, I'd rather snuggle down for a good night's sleep, than mop up wet patches on the sheets.

I had convinced myself that sex was irrelevant when you'd been with someone as long as I have (a decade). But while I insist on calling it 'having sex'; my man sweetly persists in calling it 'making love', and I'm starting to think he may have a point. Our future may not be as secure as our past unless I show him how much I love him, by making love with him. So I've resolved to stop automatically saying 'no' when the wandering hand creeps over my side of the bed, and surprise him by returning the favour.

Sexperts agree that if we 'do it' when we're not in the mood, our bodies magically start to spontaneously lust for it. I've canvassed girlfriends – all mums in their 40s like me – for their best ways to make sex sizzle again.

These are their top tips:

During the day:

  • Fantasise about sex so that you're warmed up by bedtime, because women take longer than men to get in the mood

  • Become body aware by slipping on slinky undies and enjoying things like the sensation of the car seat throbbing beneath you

  • Take a morning shower and instead of rushing, really appreciate your naked body

  • Stare at strange men and have idle, rude thoughts while you mentally undress them

  • Do your pelvic floor: clench your muscles tight and have a sexy daydream about what you'll be squeezing down there later on

  • Revitalise yourself with a gym session, have a brisk walk to blow the cobwebs away, or put on some hot salsa music and shimmy

As the sun sets:

  • Next, get a drink down your neck. Just one glass of wine does the trick – round about 6pm – to get you loosened up and feeling slightly randy

  • Unplug the passion-killing phone and telly, put on some mellow music and light some candles

  • If you can, get the kids to bed early-ish so you and your guy have the evening to yourselves

  • Have dinner together (something simple or you'll both get stressed cooking it)

  • Undress him mentally while you're chatting and make-believe you're on a date together like in the early days, when you'd be full of tingly anticipation of what was to come (mundane topics like household duties, kids' troubles and work moans are banned)

In the bedroom:
Men are easy to please. All it takes is their woman wearing yummy lingerie and they're in heaven. As for me, when I see how much I excite my man when I've got stockings on, that never fails to get me going and suddenly I don't feel so knackered any more. I become a 'can't get enough of it' – and him - just as I was when we met all those years ago.