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The sex-starved marriage

Many couples find themselves tangled in a troubling web when their sex drives are different, and it can wreck havoc on a marriage. Michele Weiner Davis, author of The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido - A Couple's Guide, shares some advice to put your marriage and your sex life on the right track!
Sex-starved marriage?
From a frustrated husband
Dear Michele,

Please, please help me. I am going through hell!! I am 28 years old, married with a three-year-old daughter. For the past three years, my wife has avoided being sexual with me. It has slowly gone from having sex maybe twice a week to now, if I'm lucky, once a month. And even then, it's not really having sex. It's more like her saying, "Hurry up and get in here, and let's do this before our child wakes up." There is no foreplay. She doesn't even kiss me. I'm the one who always is initiating any sort of affection.

I get completely angered, hurt, and resentful toward her because I can't understand how she could be so cruel to me. I want to tell her, "If you don't love me anymore, then we can split up and move on," but we have a child together, and I don't think that's right or fair to our daughter. I want to be there when my little girl wakes up in the morning and goes to bed at night. But I also don't want to be with a woman who doesn't want to be with me.

So I struggle every day with what I should do because I can't keep living like this. I'm miserable. I have talked to my wife about how I feel numerous times, and nothing I say seems to change anything. Is there anything else I can do besides getting a divorce? Is there something you could write to her so she hears from another person about the importance of a good sexual relationship in a marriage?
Mismatched desire
Does any of this sound familiar? Are these things you've thought or said to yourself? Or have you heard words like these uttered from your spouse in an attempt to get you to change? Either way, you need to know that you are not alone. It is estimated that one out of every three couples struggle with problems associated with low sexual desire. One study found that 20 percent of married couples have sex fewer than ten times a year! Complaints about low desire are the number 1 problem brought to sex therapists.
And if you've been thinking that low sexual desire is only "a woman's thing," think again. Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is America's best-kept secret. Just read what women have to say about what really goes on behind closed doors:

I am so tired of reading articles in women's magazines and watching talk shows that perpetuate the myth that men are always more interested in sex than women. This is a bunch of hooey! There are many, many women who would love to have a spouse who wants to have sex, touch, or kiss. I've spoken to many women who have this same problem. . . . Their husbands simply aren't interested. I cannot believe my circle of friends is so different from the average. None of their husbands are "getting it on the side"... they simply are not interested. In my case, my husband of 26 years has never been as interested as I in sex, and during the last 5 years our sex life has been nonexistent. This lack of sex is more than just a lack of physical attention. It goes deep into a woman's heart. I think in a normal marriage, a couple can fight about anything, but then they can make love and soothe the bad feelings... sort of like a rebirth... a forgiving ritual. But when you are deprived of even that, bitterness and resentment and desperation accumulate. I have a husband who is a good guy, great father, good provider, but I have no lover. I'm angry about the wasted years, the years I could have been loving, but spent agonizing about why I was being deprived. It's so much more than sex. It's feeling wanted, and sexy and desired by the man that you are committed to for life.

As you can see, women have no corner on the low libido market. Maybe you're asking yourself, "If low sexual desire in men is commonplace, why are they so closed-mouthed about it?" That's a good question. When a woman lacks sexual desire, although it may be troubling to her, she's not likely to start questioning the core of her femininity. After all, she's almost supposed to have "headaches."

Men, on the other hand, are thought to have only three things on their minds: sex, sex and more sex. To be disinterested in sex is to feel less than a man. Just thinking about low libido, let alone talking about it, strikes terror in men because it threatens the very foundation on which their feelings of self-worth are based. No wonder they're tight-lipped. But make no mistake about it: there are millions of people, women and men, who just don't feel turned on.

Improve your sex life

Sex it up!

With incentives like easier to achieve orgasms, increased flexibility and muscle tone, and an overall ‘wow’ factor that will leave him reeling, the exercises below are sure to make you unforgettable in bed. Improve your sex life now!

Belly Dancing woman

With incentives like easier to achieve orgasms, increased flexibility and muscle tone, and an overall ‘wow’ factor that will leave him reeling, the exercises below are sure to make you unforgettable in bed. Improve your sex life now!

Belly Dancing woman
Improve your sex life: Become a kegel master
Why: Launched into the public consciousness by physician Arnold Kegel in the 1940s, a kegel is an exercise that strengthens your pelvic floor muscles, including the all-important pubococcygeus (PC) muscle, allowing you to have a stronger, more toned vagina.

Consider another perk of the kegel: the tension created by contracting the muscles causes blood to flow to the pelvic region, heightening your sexual arousal and potential for longer, more glass-shattering orgasms.

“Most men say that nothing compares to being with a woman who feels tight during the in-and-out, which is a direct result of squeezing and releasing the PC muscle during sex,” says Amy Levine, M.A., a certified sexuality educator and the founder of the website sexedsolutions.com.

”Not to mention, the tighter you can grip his penis with your vagina, the more you'll experience the sensation of being filled, even if he's on the smaller side.”

How: First locate your PC muscle by either clenching the muscle you use to stop urinating midstream. When you have the feel of things, practice contracting the muscle 3 times a day at 10 reps each, holding each contraction for at least 3 seconds.

Improve your sex life: Make like a camel…
Why: Because becoming loose in yoga class translates to letting loose in between the sheets.

“The more flexible you are, the more fun you'll have experimenting with positions,” says Levine. “And since many of us are more likely to orgasm when an erogenous spot is stimulated by a certain angle, the better able you’ll be to get into those Cirque du Soleil-like positions.”

How: Tight hip flexors can cause pain during sex, so poses that open them up such as Ustrasana, also known as Camel Pose, can help improve sexual agility.

Recommended for beginners, Camel is a backbend pose resembling a woman on top position. To do this, come up onto your knees from sitting and begin reaching the hands upward along the sides of your body as you start to open the chest. Very carefully reach your hands backward one at a time and try to grab your heels. Bring your hips forward so they are over the hips. Let your head come back, opening the throat. Hold for 5 seconds.
When all else fails, shake your booty:
Why: “If a woman is unhappy with her figure, exercising in general will help her to embrace her body and be more relaxed in the bedroom, resulting in a Big O,” notes Yvonne K. Fulbright, author of Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots.

While belly dancing and strip aerobics classes are among the latest in cardio fads, (and have the added bonus of a performance element which can be later be utilized in the bedroom) any workout that gets you sweaty and increases your stamina is beneficial.

How: At home, try dancing alongside Carmen Electra in her Aerobic Striptease series or with the ladies of the Ultimate Bellydance Fitness Workout.

Low testosterone: Bringing the problem that's ailing some men to the surface

There are plenty causes for low libido and erectile dysfunction. One common cause resonates with the low testosterone (Low T) problem. Although some women may believe their partner's sexual difficulties may be a factor of stress or self-esteem, they neglect to realize the problem may simply be due to a testosterone imbalance. It's surprisingly common in men ages 35 and older, and can cause serious problems with relationships and sexual intimacy.

To get to the bottom of some of this type of low-libido and erectile dysfunction issue, we talked to Dr. Abraham Morgentaler, a Harvard urologist, men's health specialist and author of "Testosterone for Life."

Q: What is Low T?
A: Low T refers to a deficiency of the testosterone hormone.

Q: Is that the same as erectile dysfunction?
A: Erectile dysfunction means a man is having difficulties achieving an adequate erection for intercourse. Low T can cause erectile dysfunction, as well as many other symptoms.

Q: What are the symptoms?
A: The most common symptoms of Low T are low sexual desire (libido), erectile dysfunction, reduced energy/chronic fatigue, depressed mood, loss of muscle mass

.

Q: What causes Low T?
A: Low T can be caused by a number of medical conditions, including pituitary and testicular disorders, and by some medications. And it is very common among men with diabetes and obesity. But it appears to be most frequently caused just by aging.

Q: Can it be prevented?
A: At this point we do not know any way to prevent the development of Low T.

Q: If you suspect your partner is having a Low T issue, how should you address it with him? What's the best way to discuss the topic? Since the issue is a super-sensitive one, how can one bring it up to their partner?
A: My recommendation is to say that there may be a medical condition causing the symptoms, and that a visit to the doctor together with a blood test can confirm the diagnosis. The key is that Low T is treatable, and many men will see their symptoms disappear with treatment.

Q: What are some potential treatments for Low T?
A: The most common form of treatment for Low T is a gel rubbed into the skin. Patches, injections (every two weeks) or an implantable pellet placed every 3-6 months are the other main treatments.

Q: What are the side effects, if any, to those treatments?
A: Most men experience no side effects. Rarely, men may experience acne or breast tenderness.

Q: Anything else couples should know when facing the problem of Low T? How can a couple deal with it the best way?
A: The most important things to know about Low T is that it is common, and treatment makes many men and their partners much happier. Many men say they feel "normal" again once Low T has been diagnosed and treated. If a woman notices that her man seems down, less interested in sex, or is having trouble with erections, then the best thing she may be able to do for him and for herself is to encourage him to see his doctor to get checked out for Low T.

How to enjoy pregnancy sex

Think sex can't be fun now that you're pregnant? Think again! You had to be intimate to get pregnant, but what about sex during pregnancy? For normal, healthy pregnancies, sex isn't just safe but it's downright fun. Find out why.

Pregnant Sex

Sex. Before you were pregnant, it was exciting, hopefully intimate and definitely fun. Remember the eager excitement that you used to approach it with? After all, that is how you got pregnant. But it can be different once you are expecting.

Of course, sexuality in the first trimester can be as dusty as the Sahara desert in dry season. Between morning sickness and the associated fatigue, it's just about the last thing on your mind. Seriously.

But when the second trimester hits, it's like the body gods flip a little switch for sexual alertness ... suddenly, for many women, you just cannot get enough. (If you aren't interested in sex, don't worry, that is normal too ...) With the changes to your body (we are talking more than just belly bumps here!), intimacy can be a very wild, crazy, unexpected joy. Grab your partner (and assure him that it's safe and won't harm baby!) and get busy!

So, what's so great about pregnancy sex?

Fabulous flexibility

Get ready for new abilities with your joints! Even if you weren't the most flexible person before, during pregnancy, your body naturally produces a hormone that essentially makes you be able to stretch more and generally loosens up your body parts. It's intended to make you flexible for delivery but it has a pleasant side effect for intercourse.

"Too much time running and being active and not enough time doing yogo/pilates/stretching means I'm normally a fairly inflexible person. Once my body started producing relaxin (hormone that relaxes all your ligaments) I become considerably more flexible and was able to get into some 'interesting' and very satisfying positions," said Beth Beauchemin of Bellies 2 Babies.

Body is a wonderland

THe body undergoes so many changes during pregnancy. Of course, you have this new belly bump. But that isn't the only part of your body to change after pregnancy. Your breasts are likely to balloon to sizes that would make even the randiest teenager blush a crimson red. Your hips widen a bit, giving you exciting new curves to explore ... and that can be very exciting for your man.

"[My husband] loved my pregnant body and made sure that I knew it," said Traci Olsen, who pens http://www.tracitalynne.com.

(P.S. your other lady parts are also likely to feel different, since your vagina undergoes major changes during pregnancy. Among those changes: increased sensitivity, which can mean lots of good things for you ... and, yes, we mean lots!)

Finding new positions

The changing shape of your body can make your usual go-to positions not so easy to do. But fear not. With all the flexibility and the changing shape of your body, it's an open call to find new and exciting positions to liven up your sex life. Finding those new positions can be a wildly fun experience in of itself too. "It was also interesting finding new positions, which was very necessary after a while," says Traci.

Conception-stress-free

The road to getting pregnant can be filled with lots of worrying and stressing about whether what you were doing was the 'right' way to maximize chances of success. (Or, if you weren't trying, you may have been worrying anyway - but about if you were doing enough to prevent success). Whatever the case, pregnancy sex is free from all of that. One mom, Rosalie, said that "not worrying about getting pregnant," was the best part of pregnancy sex for her ...

Check with your doctor

Be sure to consult with your doctor about sex to be sure that you are safe from any risk factors

that could make sex dangerous for baby.

The best sex of your life 4 Tips to improve your sex life

Sex Goddess 101

There is no glass ceiling when it comes to pleasure. Even if you’re already masterful in the bedroom, there’s always room for growth. Below is our guide to having chandelier-swinging, nail-clawing, heart-clutching sex.

1. Connect with Your Sensual Self
When it comes to having great sex, knowing what you’re comfortable with in the bedroom is just as important as technique (or being freakishly flexible.) Feeling in charge of your sexuality is a non-negotiable requirement on the quest to mind-blowing sex, so if you’re lacking in the sexual self-confidence department, now is the time to bone up. Dance around your apartment naked, schedule some me-time with a vibrating toy, buy yourself a hot dress – whatever you do, find a fun way to increase your sexual confidence and awareness on your own, so that you’re better able to rock your man’s world later on.

2. Warm It Up
Foreplay is to sex what stretching is to a workout; you have to prep your body for what’s to come. Some men may want to fast forward to the main event, so you must be firm on this and not allow them to skip the pre-show. Kissing, groping, biting, and stroking are all excellent go-to moves; however, nothing is more beneficial to amazing, orgasmic sex than a sensual, tantric massage. Not only do massages feel good, but, as an added bonus, they warm up your skin and connect you with your partner. So put on some sexy music, light a soy candle, and take turns massaging each other, head to toe.

3. Try Everything Once
If you’re in a relationship, what was once great sex can become stale if you’re not careful. You may ask yourself ‘what happened?’ or feel like the spark has dimmed, but in reality, you just need to change things up. There is nothing more exhilarating than the unexpected, so experimenting with different positions or introducing a toy might be all that is needed to put the “oh yes!” back into your lovemaking. For inspiration, flip through a book with your partner, such as The Position Sex Bible or The Position of the Day Playbook. The Kama Sutra is also a classic.

4. The Big O
For most women, exhilarating sex means stronger, more frequent orgasms. While you can’t climax at will, there are ways to increase the probability of an orgasm. Start with strengthening your PC muscles with sexercises, relax as much as possible, and of course, practice a lot!

Lastly, it’s important to remember that great sex isn’t about having perfect technique or rock solid abs, instead, the best sex of your life will happen when you are completely in the moment, ferocious with lust, and having fun.

Remedies for premature ejaculation

You need a diversion

This past week I received the following e-mail from a reader: “I am confused and I don’t know where else to turn. I have this problem.I suffer from premature ejaculation.I can’t think of anything more humiliating. I know the trick about picturing something ugly. The trouble is, I can’t keep that picture in my mind. I’m like overtaken by the intensity and I just lose it. Is there anything else you can suggest?”

This past week I received the following e-mail from a reader: “I am confused and I don’t know where else to turn. I have this problem.I suffer from premature ejaculation.I can’t think of anything more humiliating. I know the trick about picturing something ugly. The trouble is, I can’t keep that picture in my mind. I’m like overtaken by the intensity and I just lose it. Is there anything else you can suggest?”
I don’t usually do this but I’ll share a little bit of my personal life here. I’ve experienced premature ejaculation too. It’s part of sex. The experience can be so overpowering, the energy so focused and relentless, that yes, we just lose it.

What you need is a diversion. Something to take your mind off the intensity, something to unfocus your energy. Here’s a list of the first five things that come to mind. Feel free to use more than one simultaneously, if the need should arise.

1) Listen to bad music during the lovemaking.
I’ll even suggest a tune: Debbie Boone’s “You Light Up My Life.”

“So many nights I sit by my window

Waiting for someone to sing me his songs

So many dreams I kept deep inside me

Alone in the dark but now

You’ve come along”

Yuck. Can you imagine ejaculating prematurely while that’s playing? No way. The syrupy sentimentality is a sure turn off.

And if for whatever reason that doesn’t do the trick, consider a different version of “You Light Up My Life.” The duet sung by Pat and Debbie Boone.

“Rollin’ at sea, adrift on the water

Could it be finally I’m turning for home?

Finally, a chance to say hey,

I love you
Never again to be all alone”

This is a father and daughter we’re talking about. Fathers and daughters should never sing romantic duets. There should be a law.

And if for whatever reason that doesn’t do the trick, consider a different version of “You Light Up My Life.” The duet sung by Donnie and Marie Osmond. This is a brother and sister we’re talking about.

2) Turn on the television.
I know, I know, there’s no way she’ll go for it. But I’m not talking about watching football. Let her choose the programming. All you’re after is the background noise and the image to distract you.

If she lets you choose the programming, watch a comedian. There’s some incredible footage of Chris Farley from his Saturday Night Live days. There’s no way you’ll ejaculate prematurely with Matt Foley in the room. He’s the motivational speaker living in a van… down by the river.

3) Wear condoms.
If I sound like an advertisement for safe sex, good. But condoms also serve a function here. They slow everything down. Getting that thing out of the package, unrolled and on is a form of gymnastics. Use that time to calm down. This in fact is the most effective time to picture something ugly. Personally, I’m a fan of Ronald Reagan. Yes, that’s right. I picture the old man while I unpackage the condom. A sure relaxant.

4) There is a sex toy worth considering.
Desensitizing penis creams. These are “control creams,” according to the advertising, to “keep it hard and strong, all night long.” If that’s really what you want.

Because this is America, the land of choice, these desensitizing creams come in different substances. There’s Ginseng Root and Hemp Seed and Benzocaine and even cherry Benzocaine. Yum. The Benzocaine numbs the head of the penis. There’s a spray too, for less mess.

I’m not sure how these others work. The hemp, I assume, gets you high and silly, which reduces the overall intensity.

5) Finally, I’ll offer one more suggestion. I alluded to it in number three. Men need to take breaks.
Consider a sports analogy. In football and basketball, there are timeouts and ends of quarters. In baseball, the inning ends. In tennis, there’s a change of serve. Why are these breaks built into the games? For the players to relax and reinvigorate. Why is sex any different?

Paris Hilton's Bikini: Love it or Shove it?

Hopefully at some point in the new documentary about her life, Paris Hilton's fashion sense (and we use the term more loosely than she is) is explored.

Below, the ho-tel heiress dons what is most likely the most awkward, skanky and unintentionally funny bathing suit in the history of humanity - paired with those ridiculous glasses she loves and a matching headband no less.

Come on, Doug Reinhardt. Someone's gotta break it to her that she looks like ... well, what more do we have to add at this point? Look at the pic below!

What do you think of Paris' Hilton bikini ... or whatever the hell you would call this swimsuit? Love it or shove it?

Paris Hilton, Doug Reinhardt Provide Sex Tape Preview

Earlier this week, Paris Hilton and Doug Reinhardt invaded Cannes, France, as the ho-tel heiress promoted her new documentary and made out with her man.

Last night, though, they took their trademark PDAs to a new level.

In full view of the public, Paris began grinding, freakin' on and mounting Doug in what can only be a precursor to the inevitable next celebrity sex tape ...

We would tell Paris and Doug to get a room, but if they got one, the fame whores would probably invite celebrity gossip photographers to come watch anyway.

Somewhere, Rick Salomon is jealous ... and swan-diving Scrooge McDuck style into the pile of money he made from when he performed such acts and filmed it.

We can't wait for the "documentary" of this night's exploits. Click to enlarge more pictures of Doug in Paris (and we're not talking about the French capital):

Girl's guide to sex: Sex tips

The next time you feel caught up in the single life doldrums, take some sex tips from Russian love guru Evgeniya Steshova. While Russia’s lopsided male to female ratio has left many women there to resort to becoming mail-order brides, others, however, have taken the situation into their own hands by attending Steshova’s 6-week training course on “how to snag a man.”

As reported by London’s The Sun, Steshova lectures her pupils on the below principles of male-seduction.

Sex Tip 1: Men aren’t as oblivious as you might think

As much as you might love your LBD, according to Steshova, women should wear bright colored clothing to attract the gents. Not unlike the way a peacock attracts its mate by flashing some colorful feathers, Steshova’s philosophy is that a woman can gain a man’s attention by accentuating her curves with some cheery hues. However, if looking like a Hawaiian tourist isn’t your style, try adding just a touch of brightness in the form of a scarf or other accessory. Colors like emerald green and purple are flattering to many skin tones

and are the must-wear colors this fall.

Sex Tip 2: Know that what’s underneath is crucial too

Your momma always said to wear clean underwear

, but Steshova goes a step further and decrees, “no underwear is better than graying or mismatched pairs.” Going commando may seem strange to the uninitiated, but as many a Hollywood starlet can attest, it eliminates the dreaded panty-line problem that plagues many sexy, form-fitting ensembles.

Sex Tip 3: Perfect the bend and snap

Elle Woods may have had trouble fitting in with the Harvard egghead crowd at first, but the Legally Blonde heroine knew what she was talking about when it came to the “Bend and Snap” - the priceless maneuver of attracting a man’s attention by dropping an item and slowly reaching down to retrieve it (the Bend) and then quickly popping back up and thrusting your chest forward (the Snap.) While done to a comical effect in the film, it’s a move that is whole-heartedly endorsed by Steshova in real-life to attract a guy’s attention.

Sex Tip 4: Surprise him

Although men may claim that they want a certain type of girlfriend, what they actually mean is that they want a certain type of girlfriend at specific times. While they may enjoy the company of a dominatrix in bed, they most likely wouldn’t take her to meet the grandparents for afternoon tea. Likewise, a fawning, sycophant girlfriend may be great for times they need an ego-boost, but may cause them to seek out other women when they’re feeling up for a challenge. Therefore, Steshova advises to “play different roles to win a man’s heart.” Show him your competitive streak during a late-night game of pool and then invite him over to dinner and channel your inner-Rachael Ray. As long as he doesn’t begin to think that you have multiple personalities, its good to keep him guessing.

Getting "there" made easier

It's time for some loving. You're excited for the bedroom romp around with your honey, but you're intimidated by the idea of not "getting there" yet again. You don't know what you're doing wrong, but it's hard for you to climax (or maybe you never have gotten there at all). It's not news to you - there are things he can do to help you orgasm. From foreplay to toys, we've heard them all. But what about you? What can you do to help yourself rise to the occasion? Follow these steps to "getting there." Good luck!

Step 1: Prep Yourself

If you're not prepared, you'll never be able to get there. Don't forget to groom and get yourself ready for some lovin'. Failing to do so might keep you inhibited in the bedroom during your romp around session. If you're comfortable with your area down under and everything else in its vicinity, you'll feel okay with him exploring your body from top to bottom, making for better love making.

Step 2: Love Your Body

Loving your body is also very important when it comes to love making and achieving the orgasm of your dreams. If you're comfortable about how you look, it's almost as if you're getting hot and heavy for yourself. Okay, I know that sounds totally strange, but it's true. When you're making love to your man, consider that you're also making love to yourself. Be into yourself and he'll be into you. It's all part of the equation.

Step 3: Relax

It's time to let loose in the bedroom. When you're laying down with your honey, imagine yourself literally sinking into the bed. Relax your entire body and float on air. Taking it easy will make climax even easier. If you're the type to have a hard time relaxing, try having a glass of wine before your love session. That should loosen you up a bit and will not only drop your inhibitions; it will also help you in the next step.

Step 4: Open Up

Have you ever heard of anyone telling you to imagine opening up your vagina like a butterfly? Yes, it's a strange tactic, but it can work when you want to reach an orgasm easily and quickly. More often than not, women who have a hard time "getting there" are thinking too much. Really, the only thing you need to think about is the nerves down there. Everything else - just forget about it. The only thing that should be on your mind is pleasure.

READ MORE » Getting "there" made easier

10 sex tips to make long-term sex more exciting

In long-term relationships, it's easy to settle into a routine with your partner that, while may be comfortable, can make your sex life a tad mundane. However, by shaking it up and using these sex tips, you can revive the spark that first brought you two together. Here are a few ideas to consider.

Sex Tip 1: Keep it pretty

First things first, it's i mpossible to have great sex if you don't feel sexy, so treat yourself to a blowout or some new lingerie

, whatever is needed to put the "va-va-voom" back into your step.

Sex Tip 2: Flirt with each other

Make a habit of sending playful, sexy messages to him throughout the day. Make him salivate with anticipation by telling him what you're wearing and what you want to do to him later.

Sex Tip 3: Set the mood

Don't underestimate the power of lighting a few candles. Make sure your bedroom is sexy and doesn't have toys littering it. And turn off the tv!

Sex Tip 4: Just kiss

Agree to place a ban on sex for a certain length of time and just kiss and focus on foreplay. Abstaining from sex has the added benefit of charging up both of your libidos.

Sex Tip 5: Surprise Him

Don't wear any underwear

and let him find out.

Sex Tip 6: Watch an Erotic Film Together

It doesn't have to be porn for it to be sexy. Some favorites: Body Heat, Belle du Jour, Last Tango in Paris, Like Water for Chocolate.

Sex Tip 7: Play an adult game

Check out Game night for couples and Games that lovers play for some naughty suggestions.

Sex Tip 8: Discover a new position

There are over 60 different positions in the Kama Sutra, so there's no excuse to not try a new one at least once a week!

Sex Tip 9: Share your fantasies

A little role-playing can be fun and it doesn't have to be limited to the bedroom. Start the fun before you even get home by meeting at a bar and pretending you just met.

Sex Tip 10: Get out of the bedroom

Sometimes a change of locale is all that's needed to rev up the action. Try having sex somewhere unexpected; just be careful not to get caught!

If any of the ideas makes you feel nervous, then you should definitely try it first. The great part of being with someone for an extended period of time is that you can fully trust and feel safe with him, so don't hesitate to try something out of your normal comfort zone, especially if it means revving your sex life up!

Wal-mart? Saab sex?

A story the other day caught my eye. A young couple was caught copulating in a New Jersey Ikea. According to the male member of the couple, Ikea has become the “sexspot,” or the hotspot for public acts of sex amongst his generation.

Ikea apparently is the new Walmart.

To me, Ikea, or Walmart, just sounds uncomfortable. That started me thinking. What are the worst places for public sex? This is one columnist’s opinion.

#1 WELL, WALMART

The smell of moth larva wafting over the exhaust system. The aisles of junk piled upon junk. The ubiquitous yellow smiley faces. The discount rates advertising the strangest pricing. Who can make love next to $21.39 or $17.61? Walmart as a sexspot is uninviting for the very reason that consumers shop Walmart in the first place, the prices. Ironic.

#2 SEX ON AN AIRPLANE

People talk about the Mile High Club as the best sex they've ever had. Supposedly the atmospheric pressure increases the intensity of the orgasm. Personally, I don't get it. Cramped quarters, unclean environment, disturbed by that knock on the door and a stewardess threatening to "land this plane if you don't come right out." Better to tamper with the smoke alarm and light up a cigarette. Oh, and then the walk of shame that follows. You and your partner leave the lavatory together. All eyes are upon you, or appear to be. The act of sex should not be flaunted. The Mile High Club is a club for flaunters.

#3 SEX IN AN AUTOMOBILE

I lost my virginity in a station wagon. What do I remember? The January cold of Colorado. Shivering overriding any amount of passion or curiosity. Wanting to get it over with and go get warm. Sex to me wasn’t nearly as inviting as a roaring fire.

At least in a station wagon there was plenty of space. For a time later in my life I was a proponent of Saab sex. I don't want to say that alcohol was involved, because that would mean drinking and driving, but, well, nobody sober selects Saab sex. There's simply no room to maneuver. That stick shift can be quite an obstacle.

I'm not a fan of Hummers. How a war machine became the new beetle, I have no idea. Maybe it has to do with the sexual adventure. Hummers are a mini motel room. And they can take you anywhere, to the top of Everest included. Now there's a Mile High Club of a different sort.

#4 AND THE ALL-TIME WORST PLACE

Friends of mine used to enjoy sex in a bar well. Don't ask me why. Her tush on ice. Knees banging into bottles of vodka, gin and vermouth. Everything a little sticky.

Personally, I think they liked to watch themselves and the wall length mirror gave them that opportunity. I also know that she was a big fan of pickled onions. She didn't have far to reach.

What women want men to know

What if I told you that by doing a few simple things, you could get the woman you love to stop acting in some of the ways that drive you crazy? What if you knew some magic words to say that would work in seconds to make a woman feel like you were the most wonderful mate she could ever imagine? What if I taught you some secret techniques that would make your partner want to have more sex with you?

Do I have your attention yet, guys? Does any of this sound interesting? if so, you've come to the right place.

I've spent the past 20 years working with tens of thousand of people, about half of them men. Men of all ages and from all backgrounds have opened up and shared with me what frustrates them in their relationships, what confuses them about women and what they want in the areas of love and sex. I've been listening carefully, and here's some of what I've heard men want.

What men want:

You want to feel successful in your relationship, like you're doing a good job and not messing it up.
You want less hassle, stress and drama.
You want more peace, calm and harmony.
You want frequent and passionate sex with your partner.
You don't want to have to emotionally process all the time and feel as though you're always "working on things."
You want your mate to criticize you less and appreciate you more.
You want to feel like you're making your woman happy.
You want to feel successful in your relationship, like you're doing a good job and not messing it up.
You want less hassle, stress and drama.
You want more peace, calm and harmony.
You want frequent and passionate sex with your partner.
You don't want to have to emotionally process all the time and feel as though you're always "working on things."
You want your mate to criticize you less and appreciate you more.
You want to feel like you're making your woman happy.

What Women Want Men to Know is designed to help you achieve these goals. How? By understanding more about why women are the way they are, and learning some simple, practical ways you can communicate with us and relate to us that will make you and your partner happier and more satisfied in every way.

NEXT: The good news...

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Real-life sex advice

“After marriage, I learned how important it is to pleasure myself. While my husband and I have a fantastic sex life, sometimes a little solitary recreation turns me on in ways he often fails to. The best part about masturbating is that I can fantasize about anyone and everyone. I'll never feel the need to cheat, because in my fantasies, I'm having an affair with anyone my heart desires!”
- Jasmine Fererra, 32

“When I’m on my period, my boyfriend and I always go the route of 'everything-but'. I thank God for that one week a month when we are forced to go sex-less because by the time my monthly friend is gone, my boyfriend is up and ready and at my service. He's also willing to do anything because of the one week deprival.”
- Jennifer Karim, 26

“To spice things up, I perform a striptease for my fiancé on special nights. I was a little hesitant the first time I did it, but by now I'm a pro!”
- Farah Mahjabeen, 25

“I tell my boyfriend exactly what I want, when I want it and how I want it. I love directing him throughout our sack session. I make sure that I get pleasured the exact way that I want and my self-confidence keeps my boyfriend attracted to me."
- Annie McKinley, 31

“I pay special attention to my husband's testicles and the area between his testicles and his anus. The first time I discovered this spot, my husband writhed with pleasure and that’s how I knew I hit the jackpot. I can be sure of mind-blowing penetration after I work him into a frenzy by flicking my tongue against his favorite spot.”
- Pamela Chowdhury, 23

“My boyfriend and I make sure to shake up our routine at least once a week. We promised each other that once a week we would do something out of the ordinary and different than plain old sex in the bedroom. For example, one night we camped out in the living room and had sex in front of the television all night, another night we had sex in the garage in our car (even though we live together, so it isn’t necessary) and on other nights we do role-play or try inventing a new position. We take turns coming up with new things to do each week!”
- Danila Cuesta, 29

More sex tips & sex advice:

Find out what he wants... in bed
The sex moves he will always remember
Bedroom taboos: 3 sex secrets
Telling him what you want

Did you know? 10 sex facts

A recent visit to Manhattan's legendary Museum of Sex yielded more than a mob of 18 year-old girls giggling in the foyer -- it provided an entertaining and education look into the history of sex.

Here are some little-known sex facts that may surprise you – or at least give you ammunition for a fascinating dinner conversation!

1. The best medicine...

According to the Museum of Sex, the vibrator was originally used as a medicinal treatment for female "hysteria" during the 19th century. The vibrator-induced orgasms helped doctors dissipate hysteria's anxiety-related symptoms.

2. Say cheese!

Semen contains zinc and calcium, both of which are proven to prevent tooth decay.

3. Hop to it.

The iconic "Rabbit" is renowned for two things: excellent results and an odd smiley face on its tip. Women's Health tells us the smiley face was actually a result of conservative Japanese customs. Apparently, Japanese consumers frown upon "the production of sex toys that too closely resemble phalluses," so the smiley face was added.

4. Does he measure up?

The average size of an erect penis is 5 inches, and the average flaccid penis measures about 3 inches.

5. The sad truth.

While this fact is neither entertaining nor humorous, it’s shocking to note that homosexuality remained on the American Psychiatric Association's list of mental illnesses until 1973.

6. Protect our troops.

Today the government issues "Support our Troops" paraphernalia; however government-issued brochures and videos featured a slightly different slogan during the WWII era – "Don't forget – Put it on before you put it in." During the Second World War, many soldiers returned home with venereal diseases, costing the government millions of dollars in medical expenses.

7. Work it.

Hate the gym? You burn about 200 calories during 30 minutes of active sex.

8. What a tease!

Burlesque costumes are the epitome of sexy – think Dita Von Teese and lingerie; however, a few centuries ago, the outfits had a slightly different purpose. According to the Museum of Sex, merkins (the bottom half of burlesque costumes) were originally created as "pubic wigs" for 15th century prostitutes. The designs helped hide pubic lice and syphilis symptoms. Make sure to share this information with your boyfriend the next time he heads to Vegas with the boys.

9. Justice is served.

In Hong Kong, adulterous husbands get more than a steep monthly alimony payment – a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her husband if he cheats on her – but she may only do so with her bare hands.

10. Whatever happened to Southern comfort?

The sale of sex toys and vibrators is banned in Alabama and Mississippi.

4 Ways to sweep him off his feet
6 Steps to a sexy massage
5 Things he wants you to say in bed

Five Things It Might Mean When He Won’t Sleep With You

Sure, one of them might be that he’s gay. But probably not…

Last week’s really funny post about guy excuses for turning down sex got me to thinking about why it is men turn down sex. Because like, that’s not our M.O. right? We’re supposed to be willing to sleep with a fire hydrant in lipstick. We’re supposed to be willing to sleep with a fire hydrant without the lipstick. Women are always telling me how it’s no great shakes to get a guy to sleep with them — it doesn’t mean a thing.

See our tips: What He’s Thinking the First Time You Have Sex

But it does. Sometimes, yes, we will mount a mannequin. But other times we won’t even sleep with women we are really into. Here are some reasons why…

5) He’s scared.
Maybe he’s scared that he won’t perform. Maybe he’s kind of afraid of sex, period (it does happen to men, though no man is likely to admit it). Maybe he’s afraid of losing you, and the idea of getting to the next phase of the relationship excites that worry.

4) He doesn’t want you to think he’s a player
I have to admit: every time I ever slept with a woman without having known her and dated her for at least a Presidential term, the woman would afterward say something like, “You probably do that all the time with all kinds of women.” Not true! Or at least not as true as I’d have liked it to be! So in order to ward off that impression, even players will wait until you beg for it.

10 Things He's Thinking When You're Naked

3) He wants to be in control
If he wants it more than you, if you’re withholding it or he perceives it that way, then you have the power. Men are unnerved by that.

2) He Doesn’t Want to Commit yet
I know tons of guys who, after a woman has a why-did-you-lead-me-on talk with them, plead innocence thusly: It’s not like I slept with her. Sometimes men think that, if we haven't slept with a woman yet, we have free reign to behave how we like. Which is an entirely different problem.

1) He really really likes you and doesn’t want to screw this up
Man are we some relaxed cats when we’ve got nothing invested. We’re often at our best, impressing-ladies-wise, when we don’t actually care about the outcome. But when every single thing we do makes us wonder whether you’ll still like us? That’s when we freeze up a little. So look at it as a good sign, as long as you're into us, too.

Has a guy ever refused you sex? Why, you think? Do you ever refuse sex to guys you actually want to sleep with, and why?

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